Assaulted at Walmart

Most of you have probably seen those funny emails with supposedly random photos taken of some ghastly looking people at Walmart. We’re not talking about women without makeup or men with beer bellies or any common, unflattering sights. We’re talking about hard core ocular assaults perpetrated by people who apparently are unaware of the invention of mirrors. I’m sure many of the photos are staged for the purpose of getting a laugh, but the Walmart that I frequent has some genuine specimens. The elderly,  tattooed woman who assaulted my eyes yesterday is a prime example. When she came into my field of vision, I quickly averted my eyes for fear of blindness, but relief was cut short by a 400-pound Elvis, with bushy sideburns and a bejeweled shirt. To be fair, I think the guy was probably going to or coming from some kind of office party or something where he was hired to make everyone laugh, at least I hope that was the case. The rest of my shopping excursion was uneventful until I reached the checkout line.  In the checkout line beside mine stood a tall man whose shiny, bald head was tattooed with flames shooting from his ears backward.  He was a good looking man, dressed normally and with no other oddities to speak of, but those dang flames!!! What in tarnation is going on??!! These are unprovoked visual attacks, and they are increasing. I’m wondering if I should knock them or join them. I’ve always fancied spiking my hair and wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes, a tube top, and six-inch stilettos to Walmart.  How about you?

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Published in: on April 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm  Comments (14)  

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14 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I suppose I shouldn’t admit it but I’ve fancied you in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a tube top myself. Oh…did I say that outloud?
    Yeah I’d agree. The assaults are on the increase. It’s trying to suddenly find something else to laugh at when they whip around and stare me that’s the hard part. c

  2. LOL – Cliff! I’m sure that Jamie Dawn would look terrific in a pair of Daisy Dukes!

    I, however, would not! Most assuredly not.

  3. JD, JD, JD — WHERE was your camera???? i never get to see real live wal-mart people and you had three in one trip????? holy cow, i wonder if your therapist can handle that. you ARE seeing one now, right? or at least an ophthalmologist for repair to your vision!!!

  4. I have received those photos and they are pretty gross, especially the butt cheeks hanging out on 400 lb. women and the guy with the urine bag attached to his leg!

    I think if you wore the tube top, the Daisy Dukes, and the heels you would get enough attention without spiking your hair!! With heels like that though you better walk very carefully!!! LOL

  5. LOL, LOL….I have always thought it might be fun to dye my hair Lavender/Purple and maybe make it spiky, too….But, it probably ain’t gonna happen,,,,!

    I haven’t been out anywhere for so long, it sounds like the people in the world are getting more and more eccentric…The Bald Headed Man with the FLAMES….WOW! I so wish you had pictures of all these people, my dear JD….! I guess this meand you are back home from your European Tour….Walmart and all…lol!

  6. Now you have given me a reason to wish that we had Walmart stores here Jamie. our ghastly looking people have no headquarters so you just have no idea when or where you are gonna be assaulted!!!!!

  7. Well I have lost too much weight to be the obese person at Walmart and I cannot stand piercings, plus there is nothing I could do to my hair because I don’t have any! With you selecting the Daisy Duke look, guess tattoos are all that I have left and deciding what to choose would be too great a decision so I guess I am left with just me.

  8. That last comment was mine. I was logged into another blog. Oops.

  9. Life is a stage my dear, GET ON IT! Love Harleney

  10. That’s what I like about Walmart, you don’t have to dress up like you do for going to the Dollar Store.
    ..
    I was looking for a link with a picture of my holey cut-offs for you but it couldn’t be found. You are spared.
    ..

  11. Come peek at me today, J.D! 🙂 I have my today’s picture dressed up and not wearing my WalMart cut-offs. These are a little stringy but don’t have holes. And I put on my best flip-flops and a pretty nice hat. No assaults from me!
    ..

  12. Love that website.

    Had my own encounter in the middle of the day. A husband/wife team was dressed in all camo. I’m talking head to toe.

    When they walked into the Garden Dept., I lost sight of them, though.

  13. I’m going to have to pass on the stilettos – I think they would bother my ankles.
    Ralph

  14. Been thinking about you and those Horrible Storms, my dear….I hope you and yours are alright–safe and sound!!! Sending hugs your way and hoping for the best news from down where you are, dear Jamie….
    Do let us know if you can, my dear.


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