Most of you have probably seen those funny emails with supposedly random photos taken of some ghastly looking people at Walmart. We’re not talking about women without makeup or men with beer bellies or any common, unflattering sights. We’re talking about hard core ocular assaults perpetrated by people who apparently are unaware of the invention of mirrors. I’m sure many of the photos are staged for the purpose of getting a laugh, but the Walmart that I frequent has some genuine specimens. The elderly, tattooed woman who assaulted my eyes yesterday is a prime example. When she came into my field of vision, I quickly averted my eyes for fear of blindness, but relief was cut short by a 400-pound Elvis, with bushy sideburns and a bejeweled shirt. To be fair, I think the guy was probably going to or coming from some kind of office party or something where he was hired to make everyone laugh, at least I hope that was the case. The rest of my shopping excursion was uneventful until I reached the checkout line. In the checkout line beside mine stood a tall man whose shiny, bald head was tattooed with flames shooting from his ears backward. He was a good looking man, dressed normally and with no other oddities to speak of, but those dang flames!!! What in tarnation is going on??!! These are unprovoked visual attacks, and they are increasing. I’m wondering if I should knock them or join them. I’ve always fancied spiking my hair and wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes, a tube top, and six-inch stilettos to Walmart. How about you?