JD versus the Airbag

Today was the big match:  JD versus the Airbag, and the airbag won.  Heading to the dentist at 30-35 mph, JD hit an icy patch and skated into a sturdy concrete bench and an unsuspecting pole.  Both the bench and pole were minding their own business when this occurred, so they are quite annoyed.  The bench is threatening to sue JD for knocking the holy crap out of it and sending it flying back several feet.  The pole gave JD the stink eye and looked very agitated.  JD’s vehicle claims the fault lies entirely with JD.  No one is blaming the ice!  JD is just happy to be all in one piece and pretty much a-okay.  JD’s super model photo shoot for Totally Air Brushed magazine had to be postponed, since JD’s face looks like hamburger.  JD can expect to wake up to a variety of colors on her face and chest.  Black and blue are really in right now!  JD is counting her blessings and very thankful no other cars were involved.

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Published in: on January 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm  Comments (16)  

We are at War!!

It is with a heavy heart that JD announces that all resolutions have failed, with grave infractions occurring on Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s Eve.  So after much deliberation, the decision has been made to go to war… on FAT!   Just a few months ago, all was glorious, as JD had lost 22 pounds and stood proudly holding a Mission Accomplished sign, strutting her stuff.  Because of a lack of refrigerator security and a dangerous Open Mouth Policy, half of the adipose tissue that was once lost has now been found.  Dang it!  Dag nabbit!  Son of a Birch!!!  JD has ordered troops from the Veggie and Fresh Fruit (Do Ask Do Tell) units, and they will see to it that this war is won.  Operation Skinny Arse has commenced.  General JD will have many important choices to make in the days and weeks ahead.  Hoo-uhh!!  If you’d like to join this war effort, feel free to grab a celery stick and let JD know how you’re doing.

Published in: on January 2, 2011 at 3:42 pm  Comments (8)  

Don’t Burn Any Bridges

Twas the night before Christmas and Grandad (my dad) had a bit too much vino.  Not way too much, but just enough that his words were getting a bit scrumbly jumbly.  Granny (my mom) was talking about something that made her angry at work.  Granny vowed that some day she was going to reach the end of her frayed and ragged rope and tell some people to shove it up the wazzoo and then give it a hard twist for good measure while flipping birds with both hands on the way out.  You get the picture; my mom was somewhat miffed.  Alarmed,  Grandad jumped into the tense quagmire and said, “No!  Don’t burn any bitches!”   He was completely unaware that he’d said the wrong word which made us all crack up even more.  Grandad of course meant to say “bridges” not “bitches.”

Published in: on December 28, 2010 at 3:39 pm  Comments (11)  

Jaw Flap Numero Uno

If there’s one thing Jamie Dawn does well, it’s jaw flapping.  Pick a random topic, and JD can talk your ear off about it, even if she has no idea what it actually is.  ”Jaws” are chats, sound offs, etc.  You get the gist.  JD jaws about her family and about her life and anything else that tickles her fancy.  If a reader does not enjoy lighthearted frivolity, then that reader should discontinue reading JD Jaws, since it may cause delight over stupid things.  JD would not want to be responsible for making an unwilling sour puss crack a smile.  So without further ado, JD Jaws has commenced.  The best way to keep up with new jaw flaps is to sign up for Email Notifications over there to the right which will alert you each time JD Jaws anew.

Published in: on December 22, 2010 at 3:33 pm  Comments (14)